-Relentless

Sun sets and I hear hawks and turkeys in the distance. The fire crackles as it begins to burn low. I can’t throw a log on because my youngest is asleep on my lap. She’s small and warm and brings me the most true happiness I’ve known. How lucky am I that she puts all her faith and trust in me?

I feel off, like something isn’t right. I’ll be calling my cardiologist tomorrow. I hate to admit it, but I think I’m facing a setback. The guy sitting in the chair holding my daughter isn’t me. He’s weaker and winded more easily than me. A 50 mile bicycle ride that should have been a simple training ride kicked the crap out of him. Cleaning gutters took the wind out of him. He’s not me.

The turkeys have come to visit and feed on acorns and grubs in my yard. I can sit by the fire while they feed since they pose no threat, unlike the black bear in my buddy’s yard two days ago. The turkeys are elegant and resilient. A hearty bird capable of surviving New England weather. I like them.

I’m not worried about my health. I’ve been knocked down before and I’ve battled back. Challenges and setbacks don’t define me. Someone once said, being knocked down is not your fault. It’s got nothing to do with you. Getting back up has everything to do with you.

I get back up.

I have to get back up. I have two little girls depending on me. I need to set the example of strength, resilience, determination and love. It seems we’ve come to demonize men who are strong. Men who stand tall and fight back. I hope and pray my girls find men who have the guts and integrity to stand up and fight back. Men who will open the car door and any other door for them, not because my girls are weak, but because they are cherished and respected. Men who can face a challenge and figure out a fix.

My little one stands tall and stands up for herself already. She’s going to make one hell of a partner in a team one day. I want to see that. So tomorrow I’ll be on the phone with my people trying to figure out what to do next. It might just be a cold leading to a simple respiratory issue or maybe something bigger like a bypass has failed. It doesn’t matter. We’ll fix it.

I’ve been knocked down before. I will get back up: Because I have a wife that needs me. Because I have two little girls who depend on me. I will get back up because that has everything to do with me. I’m not smarter, I’m not stronger, I’m not faster, I’m not tougher than anyone – but I am relentless.

I will get back up.